Christian Parenting - Whining, Crying and other unsavory habits

Have you ever been around children who constantly whine and their parents excuse it away?  I remember a child who always reverted to whining when her mother asked her to do or not to do something.  One day, she was in our house as we were watching her and she tried the same tactic she had so successfully used on her parents with me.  I looked her in the eyes and said, "We don't whine and cry in this house, if you don't stop then I will put you in bed."

Guess what? She didn't stop, immediately I walked over to her, picked her up and took her to the porta-crib.  As soon as her feet touched the crib, she stopped whining and crying.  I told her that if she did it again, I would take her back and leave her there for the rest of the afternoon.  We didn't have another problem.  That is until her parents arrived,
then it all started again and mom and dad just chalked it up to being tired.

Wrong.  This child had learned to control her parents and they were unfortunately allowing it to happen.  She was manipulating them into getting what she wanted, when she wanted it.  Do you know how I know?  I politely asked them if they would like to see how to stop that behavior once and for all. Of course, they agreed.  I looked the little girl  in the eyes, told her we didn't cry and whine in this house and asked her if she remembered what the punishment was.  Of course she did, she said, "I go to bed."  I agreed, picked her up and took her to bed and we left her there for the rest of the visit, she has never cried or whined again in my house.  My wife and I have had many children in our homes like this and many bewildered parents as well.

So what was going on?  The parents, although well meaning, weren't willing to follow up with consequences for unsavory behavior.  They were making excuses for her bad behavior and letting her get away with it.   Unfortunately, they didn't believe they had the power, nor authority to negate such poor behavior and so they didn't try.  As parents we are called to train up our children in the Lord. If we can't train up our children to have basic manners, can we ever hope to train them up in the Lord?  Might the one affect the other?

Parents, God has endowed you with authority.  He has established you as the head of the family and over your children.  Fathers must set the ground rules and ensure that their children respectfully submit; mothers must be willing to carry out these instructions and see the benefits of well mannered children.  Together as parents, the task belongs to you to shepherd your children.  Begin training them early, before the battles grow from whining and crying to breaking curfews and sneaking out at night.  It is always easier to train them young than to give in early and try to reclaim the reigns at a later date.

The simplest and most effective way forward is to make a list of acceptable and unacceptable household behaviors.  For each unacceptable behavior have a standard punishment which you will enforce every time, no matter what, no exceptions.  Then review these behaviors with your children.  I suggest reviewing them as the behaviors arise.  So the next time they whine, say, we don't do that in our house any more, instead we xyz.  If you keep it up this is the punishment.  If they don't stop immediately, implement the punishment.  If you are consistent and your children are young, the results will be astounding and quickly enjoyed, if they are older, it may take some time for the old dogs to learn the new tricks.

You will find it to be much harder for you to be consistent than it will for your children to learn the new rules.  Children are smart, if you aren't consistent they will recognize that and begin to play Russian roulette, taking their chances at the bad, figuring the odds are in their favor of gaining what they want.

However, stick with it.  Consistency is the key.  May God be with you and endow you with great perseverance and strength.