Wrestling with Leadership

I am reading Barna's newest book, Master Leaders because I wrestle with being a leader.  What I mean is that I really struggle with what it means to be a leader, a good leader who serves the Lord well.  I struggle with my own belief that leadership necessitates charisma, being a great motivational speaker and somehow magically being able to get others to go where you want them to go - all of which I know I am lacking or unable to do.  I struggle with believing that leadership is militaristic - top down and positional, and since I am a pastor of a church, people should follow me by default.  In short, I am a mess in terms of leadership.  I know it and I pray for God to guide me and lead me, change me and conform me, even that he would give me the spiritual gift of leadership.  I am reading about leadership because I am truly in need of help, and while I understand Jesus' ideas of servant leadership, I don't know what that practically looks like since I have never served under a servant leader.