Does Saul's rejection apply to me?

If I were to tell you the story of a man who knew God's will and yet struggled to implement it into his life, whose heart wasn't in God's ways and who merely went through the motions, you might identify. This morning I was reading in 1Samuel 15 the story of Saul. In it he is instructed to completely destroy the Amalekites, so he heads off to complete the mission but determines along the way, with the people of Israel, that they will not fulfill the task immediately but will keep some of the best to "sacrifice to the Lord." Samuel responds with the words "STOP!" and goes on to say in 1 Sam. 15:22 “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, he has rejected you as king.”

Now many of my readers are aware of our intentions to adopt a child or children. What may surprise you is that I feel like Saul. I know the Lord's intentions and heart for his people, the Church, to adopt the orphan and widow. I know how much God desires for his people to be a safe harbor for those in need. I know the calls to spend myself on behalf of the poor and yet, I don't want to do it myself. It hasn't always been this way, I have earnestly desired to adopt for some time but recently the costs associated with an adoption have become large in my mind, large enough to cause me to be wary. (By cost, I mean much more than simply the financial costs, but rather mean the familial and social costs.)

I have contemplated disobedience many times. I have tried to justify it by saying that "Scott you are called to motivate people to adopt, not do it yourself." I have tried to justify my disobedience by saying "another Compassion child would be a sacrifice in keeping with the spirit of God's instruction." And there are countless others thoughts that have run through my mind. Many times the thought has crossed my mind, "Christ died for me, if I disobey, that too will be covered and I will be fine." The thought is a very real thought in my mind, yet my blatant sin, my defiance of God's word, while covered by Christ, is evidence of a heart not in submission to the Lord.

Then there are the thoughts about leadership, "How can I lead if I myself am not willing to be led into this area? Would I be a hypocrite if I knew God's plan and failed, maybe refused is a better word, to live into it?" And the truth hurts; yes, I would be. But I continue to go through the motions with a heart outside of God's revealed word. I continue on in obedience to my Lord, but praying all the while for a heart that is changed and returned to a gracious acceptance of God's plans for His people. This, I believe, is the meaning of discipleship.

That brings me to the passage I was reading in 1 Samuel this morning. It was this passage that hit me both positively and negatively. God desires obedience, complete obedience from His people. He isn't concerned with the heart, and whether or not we think His ways are a good idea, or whether or not we have "better" ways of implementing His purposes. No, God wants, nay, God demands that we obey His will as revealed in His word. So I was comforted, obedience is a just form of submission to God. But then my heart was also pricked by the fact that Christ's obedience is the only obedience that matters in relation to God. His sacrifice was for all the times that my obedience was incomplete or lacking in any way, and certainly a heart not joyfully in God's will is sin. Thus I am cast back upon the cross as my sin is exposed, yet again.

But the question remains, Am I free from obeying God because Christ obeyed the Lord perfectly? Absolutely not. And praise God, I will not be rejected because of my disobedience. Saul's rejection doesn't apply to me as long as I am in Christ. Nevertheless, in gratitude I am called to obey my Lord even if I don't feel like. So my quandary about obedience is at least coming to resolution. I will obey and pray for the heart of flesh the Lord has promised to give to His new covenant people.

As I close this post, here are a few questions you might ponder:

1. Where do you know what God expects but your heart isn't in it?
2. How have you tried to justify your disobedience?
3. Do you desire to obey joyfully?
4. Are you willing to obey even if your heart isn't in it?
5. What steps must you take now to follow God into this new area?
6. Pray for God to change your heart into one that is joyful and exuberant in his will!
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